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Saturday, January 12, 2008

i've been sighing and feeling all down in the dumps the whole day and that's just no good. i feel like time has suddenly went back a year and i'm feeling the same emotions that i felt a year ago. which for the record weren't and aren't emotions that i wish to feel again or any time in the near future.

i don't know anymore. now i'm feeling like i misread the signs that i'm just making all this up in my head. i think i was the one who led myself in to this emotional termoil that just won't let up.

i've been quite blatant and giving him multiple signs and hints and by this time if nothing happens i'm guessing he's just not interested. but i just need someone to put me out of my mysery!!

WILL SOMEONE PUT ME OUT OF MY MYSERYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY ALREADY?!

anyway i little response to Jeremy's blog and also a list that i've been planning to do for a very long time... so my dear friends [read: Perlin, Nana, Charm (we were the ones who thought of this list last year remember? haha) Samuel, Warren] do take note of this list ok! and make sure that my future boyfriend fits the bill!

the point to this list is because when you fall in love you become blind and oblivious to the, maybe very obvious, red warning lights that are flashing! and at this point only your most trusted friends can save you. SO HERE GOES! =) btw the list will get longer in due time! so my dear friends keep yourselves updated k!

1) MUST BE GENEROUS! just because I will insist to pay doesn't mean you shouldn't offer. its not the paying that matters, its the thought that counts...

2) MUST SPEAK GOOD ENGLISH! its simple. i don't speak very good chinese. he doesn't have to be Shakespeare he just has to be able to express himself without gramatical errors or the use of chinese words. Singlish is fine, its our culture. Well at least, that's my excuse.

3) MUST HAVE MORALS, INTEGRITY and ETHICS. again, he doesn't have to be as morally upright as umm........ ummm..... God. but he still must posses the decency to tell me when he cheats on me. (yes, i'd rather know)

4) MUST BE A GENTLEMAN!!! (ie- Warren) at least OPEN THE DOOR FOR GOODNESS SAKES!!! its really the least you can do! and again, offer to pay first when out with a group of girls and then we'll pay you back... a guy with good manners scores many many brownie points!

5) MUST LIKE TO WATCH CARTOONS! i love watching cartoons so he'd better be willing to go to the cinema to watch with me =)

6) GIFTS. although i nag about soft toys and flowers collecting dust, it still would be nice to receive them, perhaps just less often... and no mugs please! or photo frames for that matter unless it has a gorgeous picture of us in it =)

7) MUST BE ABLE TO GET ALONG WITH MY GIRLFRIENDS. i'm not asking you to be best friends with them but it would be nice to be able to have dinner with my loved ones all at the same table =) if not, you should at least smile and say hi.

8) MUST NOT BE VAINER THAN ME! i don't want my boyfriend commenting on my blackheads, it doesn't matter whether or not they exist! (which they don't, the ginseng mask from Korea has been marvellous!)

9) I'M NOT INTO THE WHOLE GRUNGE LOOK. enough said.

10) MUST NOT LAY A HAND ON ME. in any way other than an affectionate way. =)

11) Should be generous with affection. you don't have to say you love me, esp if you don't mean it... but i like big bear hugs and kisses when i least expect it.

alright. that's about it for the moment. =) the list is not long, but finding a guy who fits the bill is going to be a search for a needle in a haystack!

but my dear friends, one thing i do promise you guys is that even when i do have a boyfriend i will not neglect you! =) you guys are very very important to me and i don't know how i would have managed to live through the past year without you guys! =) you guys are always there to make me feel better when i just want to crawl into a little hole, squeeze my fat bum inside and rot. =) i love you guys!

ALSO. my beloved friends, make a list of your own so that not only you can look out for me, but i can do the same for you! =) i'm waiting to see that list on your blogs k!!! =)

update- Warren blogged yay! http://warren-elliot.blogspot.com


8:42 PM


this game, this chase is getting me so frustrated and *&^%$%@^@@^%&*!

quit playing games with my heart!

i don't think i can do this anymore. my heart and my brain is still at it and everytime i think i should give it a shot he does something that makes me think twice... and by the time that happens i'm back at square one.

at this point, i'm thinking of giving up before he hurts me. i don't think i'm ready for yet another heartache.

i need a shoulder to cry on for awhile. just a little while...i have a splitting headache...



12:13 AM

Thursday, January 10, 2008

i'm confused and frustrated...

my heart and my brain are having a little war at the moment. jumping in and risking it will inevitably end up leaving me hurt. and i know it. so why does my heart still ask me to jump!?

if the war continues at this rate i'll get brain and heart failure in another 10 mins...

i shouldn't love you but i want to, i just can't look away.
i don't know how be fine when i'm not
i don't know how to make a feeling stop.
just so you know this feelings taking control of me and i can't help it!
thought you should know i've tried my best to let go of you.

-Jesse McCartney - Just so you know

aiyah. dono luh. come what may!:)

anyway, thanks for your advice Warren Elliot Alexander Wee Tian Xiang! and thanks for confiding in me =) AND for the company! AND just now in lesson i met this person called Zemaine! SEE there are names that have the letter Z!!! i'm so going to name my son " Zachary Michael Blah blah blah blah _insert last name_" and my daughter "Zahara Xena blah blah blah _insert last name_" hehehe!

today was fun hon! we should have lunch more often! minus the alcohol... i went to sch a bit high... =S

on a differnt note, i know i haven't been blogging for ages already! i've been so busy with everything! but the worst is over! so YAY! i'm so pleased it insane! =) gotta start on CCC tmr though..

i can't stand you! must everything you do make me wanna smile? can i not like you for awhile?

ps. my car didn't stall today!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!! driving is getting easier and easier! =)


8:22 PM