Saturday, February 10, 2007
hormones. medication. no ciggy for 3 days. exam and speech on friday.
i need a sweet escape.
if i could escape, and reacreate a place that's my own world,
and i could be your favorite girl, forever, perfectly together..
tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet?
9:30 PM
Friday, February 09, 2007
i'm ready to remove all things that remind me of him from my room.
all the photographs, all the presents he gave, all things that remind me of him..
i'm ready. its about time to move on...
i'm sick of being in this place where i keep thinking that he's still mine.. i hate myself when i still accidently refer to him as "my bf".. because it only reminds me that he is no longer mine..
i want to move on. teach me how.
it hurts so much, i don't feel it anymore.. i have gotten used to feel the pain, i have become indifferent to it.
my room feels so empty now. so is my heart.
i thought i was going to be ok.. but i go crazy.. everytime i think of him..
cuz i still care. i care so much about him its stupid cause he really doesn't care anymore..
and i still love him. i love him so much its plain crazy, especially when he didn't think twice about hurting me..
these tears are uncontrollable, the pain is now resurfacing tormenting me more than ever.
my heart just can't hide, those feelings inside.. i go crazy.
9:49 PM
Thursday, February 08, 2007
it MUST be the hormones..
i've spent every waking moment thinking of him today..
bah. i don't need him. (repeat 1000 times..)
and i almost reached for alllllllllllllllllllot of food today, to vent frustration. but AH HA! see i have some sort of self-control.. i only had one square of choc.. heh.
hormones. i swear. they. are. pushing. it. too. far!
i miss him, i'm bloating like a balloon, and i have a pimple in my eye which is swelling up!
sigh. sch tmr.
i need a cig.
10:19 PM
i'm in one of those moods..
again..
i'm missing him again. there. i admit it. i miss him, like crazy..
i miss him everytime i go to school,
i miss him when i walk pass Sakae sushi,
i miss him when i see bus 8
i miss him when i walk out of my house and see the bball net,
i miss him when i take 23 to bugis
i miss him when i'm in bugis
i miss him when my bus passes his house,
i miss him in the morning,
i miss him at night.
i miss him all day.. everything i do, everywhere i go.. i think of him.
maybe the reason i'm more determined to lose the weight is so that i can focus my thoughts on that instead of him.. maybe.
yes, i'm thinking too much..
5:02 PM
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
you have just awoken the dragon in me. RRRRRRROAR!
notice that this is my blog, a platform for me to express my feelings, thoughts and emotions and my daily life... if you don't want to read it. just LEAVE! no one is begging you to stay. even if i'm bimbotic, at least i have a life which includes friends rather than virtual beings.. and i'm not the one spending time surfing the net and tagging random strangers blogs cuz my life is so boring. so bugger off already.
what's more, wanting to be skinny doesn't mean that i'm stupid. or shallow. its a form of discipline.. and at least i know what i want and have a goal and i'm working towards it in a right way..
and,
Dear Tyra,
Perhaps you are just overweight as well and have no motivation to lose the weight which is why you are so worked up about my need to lose weight...
If this is true, then i really sympathise with you.. cuz i have been in the same rut before.
love, lil.
moving right along..
went to do photog group proj today.. really reallly fun! and Charm's friend Sam is absolutely gorgeous!! her skin.. is like.. seriously radiant!! and she so graceful and poised.. my idol!! haha..
perhaps i should take dance lessons? hmm.. =)
metabolism really gets boosted(?) by green tea.. no cals too! =) and its an antioxidant..
green tea, the new water!
to the swimming pool tmr! you coming??
9:15 PM
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
i've been on a diet ever since i could remember.. i think for the past 7 years, i've never been able to indulge in something and not feel guilty when the comfort of the food wears off...
i've been on the verge of obesity.. literally.. those who've seen me in sec one should know.. my freaking BMI was 27.2.. technically overweight.. and i've been told countless times that i'm fat. and teased in school for my weight. bah. stupid TAF club only made matters worse by embarrasing us in front of the whole school. we had to run during recess in the parade square.. although i usually made stupid excuses to avoid training.. heh...
being fat is not a crime so i don't see why they must embarrass us to make us lose weight.. perhaps training after school? but during recess?! that's when we need time to recharge our batteries... not to run around the parade square non-stop for 10 minutes! bah.
but ever since, i have lost weight.. and although my BMI now is in the healthy range of 21.. why do i not feel satisfied?! why do i still feel so fat?!?! bah!
and the fat now is really starting to irritate me! ARGH!
the goal now.. is to have a BMI of 18.. then.. i'll be really very very ultra satisfied.. wahahhaaaa.. my goal weight... 48 kgs.. but it will be considered underweight for my height.. so.. i'll be really satisfied with 50 kgs.. and i'm not far!! =) 8 kgs to go.. i can do it one! yes. i know. i just told you all my weight. bah.
ah well. i will do it.
water. green tea. no carbs.
i will do it!
wish me luck! i'll need it.. =)
oh. and for my darling dear friends who are going to tell me i'm not fat.. realise that i'm not thin either.. so.. heh.
thinspiration.
9:29 PM
Monday, February 05, 2007
i'm honestly really starting to like my single status.. really.. =)
i did as i promised, i stood up brushed myself off and i'm ok now.. see?
i won't deny that sometimes i'll have an odd dream staring you.. or sometimes cuddle my bolster and wish that it were you..
but i know better than to listen to my heart, now i'll be smart and listen to my mind..
the most difficult thing to govern is the heart..
cynical about love.
10:41 PM
Sunday, February 04, 2007
my birkies are heree!!! yay!!!!!!!
say hello to my black kimono madrid! =)
yay!
ah.. Michael Buble.. makes me swoon and feel all lovey dovey.. =) heh..
so random huh? hahahaaa
nothing much to blog about actually.. life's been really boring the whole week i was either mugging for psycho or doing projects.. which.. i still have journ to do.. sigh. aaaaaaaaaaaahhh.. die.
ssssssswwwwwwwwooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnn..
thanks warren for the incredibly big dose of Michael Buble.. ahhhhhhh.. i think i've found my new love.... =)
10:38 PM
