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Monday, August 21, 2006

do you feel that sometimes everything is too much for you to handle? and you feel that you've made a huge mistake in your life? all you feel like doing is just to turn back the hands of time and make that decision once again and maybe all will be right in the world once again..

[ no.. i'm not pregnant.. ]

i had a nervous breakdown.. i was having a really bad headache the whole night, i couldn't sleep and all i could feel was the extreme pressure building up in my head.. it felt as if my whole head would explode.. i swallowed and gulped down pill after pill but the pain wouldn't stop.. all this tension was just escalating to a point where i honestly felt that my skull would eventually rupture and all my brains would spill out.

so this morning i decided to go to the doctor's to get some really strong painkillers to numb my headache.. my mother decided to go to the tailors first.. so there i was waiting for her to finish her errands.. while i was standing there i felt beads of cold sweat forming on my forehead.. i felt so weak and uncomfortable, my head was pounding like a million hippos were dancing around in circles..

i had no control over my body and suddenly i just fell to the floor and started crying.. right there in public i fell on the floor and broke down.. tears just kept streaming down my face.. at that moment i just felt so sick of living.. all i wanted to do was just die there and then...

all the pent up frustration and stress of my life decided to let loose this morning... all this shit has finally surpased my threshold of perserverence.. i just can't take it any longer... one wrong decision and now i have to live through the harder and longer way to achieve my goal.. why did i choose this road?? why was i so stubborn?

if you look at me now you'd probably just think that i'm stressed out about exams.. which by the way i am cuz i didn't do well for my coursework and i really need my exams to pull me up.. but the stress and the regret goes such a long way before the exam stress... since quite some time ago i've been regreting my decision about going to a poly rather than a jc.. how stupid of me.. and when you hear the reasons why i didn't want to go to jc i think u'd laugh your head off... i didn't wanna go to a jc cuz then there'd be PE.. and i didn't exactly love PE.. also then i'd have to go to Bishan for French lessons which is quite troublesome cuz its so far away... just cuz of these two stupid reasons i decided to go to poly.. what dumb reasons..........

how i wish i could turn back the hands of time and go to a JC....



the pace is too fast..... i can't keep up........stop. let me get out and start over.


4:06 PM